Grief is one of the few experiences in life that is both universal and inevitable. And yet, for something we will all encounter, either personally or through those we care about, it remains widely misunderstood.

In this week’s episode of the Growth Edge Leadership Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Joann Schaefer to explore her new book, The Unspoken Side of Grief. Drawing from decades of experience as a physician, public health leader, and executive, Dr. Schaefer brings both a scientific lens and a deeply human perspective to the topic of loss.

This conversation is not only about grief, it is about empathy, presence, and the responsibility we carry as leaders, colleagues, and human beings to show up well in life’s most difficult moments.

In This Episode

• Why grief is universal, but never experienced the same way
• The nuanced differences between types of loss (spouse, child, sibling, friend, pregnancy)
• Common misconceptions about grief, including the myth of a linear process
• Why we feel uncomfortable around those who are grieving
• What people say that is unintentionally unhelpful, and what to say instead
• Practical, tangible ways to support someone in grief
• How grief can reshape perspective, purpose, and leadership

Grief Is Universal, But Deeply Personal

One of the most important distinctions from this conversation is that while grief touches everyone, no two experiences of grief are the same.

There is a tendency to assume that grief follows a predictable path, that it progresses through stages, that it resolves within a certain timeframe, or that it looks similar across individuals. But in reality, grief is highly individualized. It is shaped by the nature of the loss, the relationship, the circumstances, and the person experiencing it.

As Dr. Schaefer shares, grief is not linear. It cannot be rushed, optimized, or neatly resolved. It is a personal journey, one that unfolds over time and often revisits us in unexpected ways.

For leaders, this is a critical insight. The ability to recognize and respect that individuality is foundational to demonstrating true empathy.

What We Get Wrong About Supporting Grief

Most people genuinely want to help when someone they care about is grieving. But intention does not always translate into impact.

A common instinct is to search for the “right” words, something that will comfort, fix, or ease the pain. In doing so, we often default to clichés or generalized statements. Phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re in a better place” may be well-intended, but they can feel dismissive or even painful to someone in the midst of loss.

Another frequent misstep is offering vague support: “Let me know what you need.”

While generous in spirit, this approach places an additional burden on the person grieving, requiring them to identify needs, make decisions, and delegate tasks during a time when their cognitive and emotional capacity is already overwhelmed.

What emerges from this conversation is a powerful reframe: supporting someone in grief is not about having the perfect words. It is about reducing burden and increasing presence.

Presence Over Perfection

If there is one concept that anchors this entire conversation, it is this: presence matters more than perfection.

Acknowledging the loss is essential. Avoidance, even when driven by discomfort or fear of saying the wrong thing, is often more painful than imperfect words. Simply saying, “I’m so sorry,” and being willing to sit in that moment can be profoundly meaningful.

Dr. Schaefer also emphasizes the importance of specificity. Instead of broad offers of help, practical and concrete actions are far more impactful. Offering to bring a meal, run an errand, or take on a specific task removes decision-making from the grieving individual and provides tangible relief.

Equally important is the understanding that grief does not end after the initial wave of support subsides. While many people show up immediately following a loss, fewer remain present in the weeks and months that follow, when the reality of grief often deepens.

Sustained presence is what differentiates surface-level support from meaningful connection.

Growth, Meaning, and Perspective After Loss

While grief is undeniably painful, this conversation also explores the ways in which individuals find meaning and growth through loss.

For some, this manifests as a shift in priorities, a deeper appreciation for time, relationships, and purpose. For others, it leads to action: the creation of foundations, advocacy efforts, or new paths that honor the person they lost.

In leadership, grief can also deepen empathy. Lived experience often expands a leader’s capacity to understand and support others in ways that cannot be taught through theory alone.

This does not minimize the loss, but it does highlight the human capacity to transform pain into perspective, and in some cases, into impact.

A Practical Way to Start

Consider this as a reflection for your own leadership and relationships:

Where in your life might someone need your presence more than your solutions?

And more specifically:

❓ Who in your circle may be navigating a difficult season that you have not fully acknowledged?

❓ How might you shift from a general offer of support to a specific, tangible act of care?

❓ What would it look like to remain present, not just immediately, but consistently over time?

Leadership is often tested not in moments of strategy or performance, but in moments of humanity.

Final Thought

Grief is not something to fix.

It is something to witness, to honor, and to walk alongside.

This conversation is a reminder that the most impactful leaders are not those who always have the right words, but those who are willing to stay, present, attentive, and compassionate, when it matters most.

I'm rooting for you!

Listen in!

Kajabi - https://www.lauriebaedke.com/podcasts/growth-edge-a-leadership-podcast/episodes/2149190700

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Topics Covered:

grief

grief support

empathy

emotional intelligence

compassion

purpose

leadership

healthcare leadership

physician leadership

coping with loss

supporting others through grief

presence in leadership

executive presence

human-centered leadership

personal growth

navigating loss

leadership development

resilience