Laurie Baedke (00:21.57)
Well, hello and welcome to another episode of the Growth Edge Leadership Podcast. I am your host, Laurie Baedke and I am excited to dig into a few solo episodes this month, exploring the topic of insecurity in leadership. Sadly, no one is immune from the downsides of it, even the most capable accomplished leaders. In fact, the higher that you rise, the easier that it becomes to mask, manage, or simply outwork.
what's happening beneath the surface. But when insecurity goes unexamined, it doesn't stay contained. It begins to take shape in how we show up, how we respond under pressure, and how others experience our leadership. And over time, those subtle patterns can quietly limit our effectiveness, our relationships, and our readiness for what's next. So here's where it gets even more complex.
We often convince ourselves that we're doing a pretty good job hiding it, that we're managing it, that no one else sees it. But more often than not, what we believe that we're masking is actually being experienced by others in real time. It shows up in how quickly we...
It shows up in how quickly we react, how tightly we hold control, how we respond to feedback, or how we navigate moments of uncertainty. We may tell ourselves, that's just my style, or I'm just being thorough, or I want to be helpful. And sometimes that's true, but sometimes those behaviors are being driven by something deeper, something we haven't fully named or
haven't wanted to examine. And the gap between what we intend and what others experience is where leadership effectiveness starts to erode. That's what we're going to explore today. So a few years ago, I was coaching a senior leader, a CFO of a complex, matrixed organization. She was highly respected, exceptionally competent, the kind of leader that people describe as decisive and reliable.
Laurie Baedke (02:38.186)
someone you want at the table when the stakes are high. She had risen quickly in her career in part because she was so strong in the details. She loved being in the weeds, still does if she's being honest. And that's where she feels most confident, most in control. She's very, very, very good there. But now sitting in a more senior role, she also cares deeply about being seen and known as collaborative and inclusive.
She wants her team engaged. She needs their ideas. She wants to build that kind of culture. And yet her reality had started to look a little bit different. In one of our recent sessions,
In one of our sessions, she shared, I feel like my team hesitates to bring me ideas. I keep telling them I want their input, but everyone defers to me. I'm getting kind of frustrated with them. And as we dug in a little bit deeper, a more full picture started to emerge. In meetings, especially when timelines were tight, which was often, she was very quick to engage, quick to refine, quick to advance the idea before it was fully formed.
Not because she didn't value her team, but because her workload was heavy, as was theirs, the pressure was real, and her natural default to jump in, to sharpen, to solve, always ended up taking over. And underneath that was something even more subtle, more difficult to unearth and more consequential to her executive leadership capacity. She felt a very strong pressure to get it right.
to perfect every detail, to stay credible at that level, to continue proving her value, not just as an executive, but as an expert. What she couldn't see yet in that moment was that what felt to her like contribution was landing to her team as correction or doubt in their competence, a signal that the conversation was over.
Laurie Baedke (04:48.854)
and that their contributions really were unnecessary. And that's why the investment in reflection and self-awareness is so critical in leadership. Because it's not just about what you intend, it's about what your behavior communicates, especially in the parts driven by what you haven't fully examined or don't enjoy looking at.
Hello, pardon me. Let me be really clear about something from the start. Every leader has security.
Laurie Baedke (05:33.602)
I said earlier that every leader has insecurities. We do. Every single one of us. This isn't about confidence. You can be highly confident and still have areas of insecurity. It's actually about something more subtle. It's about the internal narratives, the quiet questions that we ask ourselves. Am I good enough for this role? Do I really belong here? What happens if I make a mistake or get it wrong?
Those thoughts are human. The issue isn't that they exist, but the issue is what happens when they go unexamined for too long. Because when insecurity isn't acknowledged, it doesn't disappear. It shows up in our behaviors. If you've studied emotional intelligence at all, you know this to be true. The most effective leaders are not the ones who eliminate emotion. They're the ones who understand it and manage it.
And self-awareness sits at the core of that. But here's a gap I see in high-performing leaders. Many spend years developing competence, but far fewer spend time examining the patterns that drive their behavior under pressure. That is very often where insecurity is rooted. Not in your capability, but in your reactions.
And this is also where a strengths-based lens becomes incredibly helpful because your greatest strengths, when they're overused or under managed, can actually become the vehicle for insecurity-driven behavior. But there's another layer that's just as important. The very strengths and approaches that helped you to succeed at one stage of your career don't always serve you in the next. In fact, they can...
quietly become the very things that hold you back. We often fall into the trap of relying on the same tools, the same habits or behaviors, the same ways of adding value that worked before just because they worked for us so well at a different level. But as leadership evolves, the expectations change. And if we don't adapt, we can find ourselves overusing what once made us successful.
Laurie Baedke (08:04.888)
Take my CFO client we just spoke about. Earlier in her career, her ability to be in the weeds, to know the numbers inside and out, to catch what others missed, that was her edge. It built her credibility and accelerated her growth. But now in a more strategic senior role, she's no longer just responsible for the accuracy of the financials, she's responsible for the future of them. And here's the tension.
If she's spending her time working in the business, deep in the details, she can't fully step back and work on the business. She can't operate at the strategic level her role requires. So the very strength that made her exceptional becomes a constraint if it's not intentionally managed. And we see this across different strengths. If you lead with Achiever or Activator,
You may feel a constant pull to move things forward, to add value quickly, to demonstrate progress. And in moments of pressure, that can look like jumping in too soon, solving instead of coaching, or not creating space for others to think and engage. If you have strong Command or Communication, your voice carries weight. But when insecurity is present, that strength can unintentionally shift from influence
to dominance. On another side, if you lead with Deliberative or Analytical, your strength is thoughtful, high quality decision-making. But under pressure, that can turn into hesitation, over-processing, or waiting until something feels fully formed before you contribute. And my leaders with Harmony or Relator,
may avoid tension or difficult conversations, not because they lack courage, but because preserving relationships to them feels deeply important. None of these are weaknesses. They are strengths. But when they're overextended or when we rely on them too heavily in seasons that require something different, they can begin limiting our effectiveness instead of amplifying it. And often,
Laurie Baedke (10:31.36)
What's driving that over-reliance isn't habit, it's an insecurity. A pullback to what feels known, comfortable and safe or reliable, especially when the expectations around us are stretching. And that's why this work matters. Because growth at the next level of leadership doesn't come from doing more of what you've always done. It comes from developing the awareness and the discipline
to evolve and adapt how you show up. So I wanna slow us down for a moment before we conclude. And instead of rushing into how do I fix this? Let's think about not correction, but recognition. I want to offer you a mirror and my invitation is simple. Listen for yourself in this, not with judgment, but with curiosity.
Where do you feel the strongest need to prove yourself? For some leaders, it shows up in visibility. You speak early, you speak often, you make sure your voice is heard, you add context, you sharpen the idea, you move the conversation forward. Not because you're trying to dominate, but because internally, silence feels risky. There's a pressure. If I don't contribute quickly, will they question my value or will I be overlooked?
I worked with a leader recently who said, if I don't say something in the first five minutes of a meeting, I feel like I'm invisible or disappearing. That's not a communication strategy. That's a signal. For others, it shows up in restraint. You hold back, you observe, you wait, you want to be thoughtful, you want to be precise. And those are real strengths. But sometimes that thoughtfulness is also protecting you.
protecting you from the risk of being wrong or being challenged or from saying something that doesn't land the way that you intended. So instead of contributing at 80 % clarity, you wait for 100 % and the moment passes. Or think about feedback. When someone offers you input, especially something constructive and formative, what happens internally? Do you feel open or do you feel a subtle tightening?
Laurie Baedke (12:55.542)
A quick mental scan for context, a need to explain or clarify or make sure they understand your intent. Maybe you're nodding on the outside, but internally you're already building your rebuttal. Not because you're unwilling to grow, but because something about that moment feels like a threat to how you're perceived. And consider delegation. Where are you holding on more tightly than you need to? Where are you stepping back in?
refining, reworking, checking one more time or thing. Not because your team isn't capable, but because something in you feels deeply accountable for the outcome and what it says about you as an individual. So you stay closer than necessary. You stay more involved than you should. And over time, that limits both your capacity and your team's. And here's what I want you to see.
These aren't just preferences. They're not just how you work. These are the moments where insecurity shows up most clearly. They are your leadership tells. They are the places where under pressure, you are most likely to default into maladaptive stress responses, reacting instead of responding, controlling instead of empowering, explaining instead of listening, withdrawing instead of engaging.
And here's why that matters, because leadership is a visible role. People are watching, especially in moments of pressure. They're looking to you, not just for direction, but for example, your behavior sets the tone for a shift, a team, or sometimes an entire organization. So when insecurity is driving those moments, it doesn't just impact you, it shapes culture. It influences how safe people feel to contribute.
It influences how safe people feel to contribute. It signals what's rewarded and what's risky. And over time, those small repeated moments becomes pattern. And over time, those small repeated moments become patterns.
Laurie Baedke (15:13.708)
And over time, those small repeated moments become patterns, patterns that define how you're experienced, patterns that either reinforce trust or quietly erode it. These are not random behaviors. They're not character flaws. They are patterns. And more often than not, they are protective. They're your strengths, working a little bit too hard to keep you safe in moments that feel uncertain.
which is why simply trying to fix the behavior rarely works. Because the behavior isn't the root issue. It's the signal. The real work is understanding what's driving it.
Laurie Baedke (15:59.63)
key reframe deepened.
Here's the reframe I want you to hold on to. Most of your leadership habits did not start as liabilities. They started as protection. They were adaptive. They helped you succeed in earlier roles, earlier environments, earlier expectations. But leadership is dynamic. You change, your roles change, the expectation changes. And if your self-awareness doesn't evolve alongside those changes, your patterns don't just stay the same.
They become misaligned. And this is where the stakes get real. Because over time, these patterns shape how others experience you. Not your intent, your impact. And your impact shapes trust, influence, readiness for the next level. A leader who overengages may be experienced as controlling. A leader who explains may be experienced as defensive. A leader who holds back may be experienced as disengaged.
And here's the hard truth. If others experience it consistently, it becomes a part of your leadership brand, whether it's accurate or not. So as we close today, I want to offer you two invitations. The first is personal. Commit to strengthening your self-awareness. Not once, but consistently. Not once, but continuously. At every stage of your career, every new role.
every new level of leadership, because the version of you that succeeded five years ago is not the version required for what's next. Build in the time, reflection, feedback, coaching. Treat self-awareness as a leadership discipline, not an occasional exercise. The second is relational. Let this awareness guide how you lead others, how you collaborate, how you delegate, how you empower your team.
Laurie Baedke (17:58.912)
And perhaps most importantly, how you model humility. Because here's the truth. If people work closely with you, they already have a sense of your patterns. You're not fooling anyone. They experience your strengths and they experience the moments where those strengths are overextended, even if no one is naming it out loud. So the opportunity isn't to hide it. The opportunity is to lead with appropriate transparency and disclosure.
to give language to what others are already observing. And that can sound like this. If I said one of my natural strengths is moving things forward quickly, I am wired to act. But I also know that when I'm not careful, I can move too quickly, not create enough space for input. And so if you ever feel like I'm jumping ahead, I'd love it if you'd tell me. Or I care deeply about getting things right.
That has served me well, but I also know it can show up as overthinking or slowing things down more than necessary. That's something I'm continuing to work on. I hope you see evidence of my growth or hey, relationships matter a ton to me. And sometimes that means I can avoid hard conversations longer than I should. If you ever feel like I'm not addressing something directly, I'd like you to call me out on that. Maybe do it privately, confidentially, if you're willing, please, or
Even I've realized that when I get passionate about something, I can dominate the conversation without intending to. I'm like a bull in a china shop. I'm working on creating more space. So I may pause more intentionally. I hope it helps. This is what mature self-aware leadership sounds like. It's not performative. It's not self-deprecating. It's specific. It's grounded and it's forward-looking. And it does three powerful things. First.
It builds trust because people experience alignment between what they see and what you say. Second, it creates permission because you're signaling that growth is expected, not hidden. And third, it sharpens team effectiveness because now people know how to work with you, not just having to work around you. Because when your team understands where you are at your best and where you might overextend,
Laurie Baedke (20:22.016)
And when you're where or when you're actively growing, alignment increases, communication improves, and performance typically follows. So this week, don't try to fix everything. Just notice, pay attention, one moment, one reaction, one pattern, and ask yourself, what might be driving this? Because your insecurity doesn't disqualify you from leadership, but ignoring it can quietly limit your impact.
Next week, we'll take this one step further. We'll name the patterns and give you practical ways to interrupt them. In the meantime, I'm rooting for you.
