The Value of Your S.O.

 

By “S.O.” I’m talking about your spouse, your life partner, your best friend – that significant person in your life that you can’t live without (or with, sometimes!).

So what is the real significance of the Significant Other when it comes to leadership?

Borrowing from a blogger whom I deeply admire, Michael Hyatt, and his relatively recent post on Spouse-as-Best-Friend: “Your marriage [Laurie’s edit here: or other significant relationship] is a living example of what it is like to be in a close relationship with you. This is why it is so important that leaders get it right if they want to influence others.”

And just as happy home life positively impacts office life, Hyatt also notes that “nothing can undermine your effectiveness as a leader faster than a bad marriage.”

But I look at the power of this strong friendship in another way as well: Though we overlook our S.O.’s influence in a professional role, this individual is a key asset to us even in leadership – as this relationship provides many of the elements that we just can’t get (or get to such a degree) in our work relationships.

These elements and qualities include unwavering support and unconditional acceptance. When we are facing difficulties in our careers, and have no one to turn to in our work environment, at least when we get home we know there is someone who believes in us, understands us, accepts us, and is a shoulder to lean on.

We need a person in our lives that we know we can turn to, who doesn’t have a hidden agenda and is genuinely interested in our well-being – someone who can recharge us when we’re exhausted and no longer want to go on, and reassure us when we’re questioning our abilities and decisions.

Most importantly, in our jobs, so much hinges on our performance. Our performance on-the-job is how we earn respect, trust, and admiration. But our loved ones love us just because “we are.” We don’t have to meet a certain quota or execute on a certain strategic initiative to gain their acceptance.

Take it from me: Not only is my husband, Wes, my best friend (and has been since high school) but he has also been a tremendous asset in my career. You know how opposites attract? When I’m almost unrealistically optimistic, he offers pragmatic realism. He grounds me – is a voice of reason. I am an activator. He is deliberative. I am passionate. He is consistent. I am impulsive. He is disciplined. He provides me with so many qualities that I don’t have in myself and, as cheesy as it may sound, I would not be the leader – or person – that I am today without him.

Our marriage is not perfect…..not by a long shot. He does things that irritate me to no end. And I know that I can be very hard to tolerate (he deserves a medal for putting up with me!) But we are committed, and we appreciate the dividends of investing in making our relationship successful despite our flaws and failures.

A successful marriage is a foundation that is invaluable to a leader, influencer, professional, or entrepreneur. Choose wisely. Invest aggressively.

Who is your “S.O.”? Your voice of reason or, on the flipside, your voice of encouragement? Don’t take these relationships lightly, and let these individuals in your life know how much you value them.