We all have our guilty pleasures. One of mine is Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” If you’re not familiar with the show, it features six trophy wives in the affluent L.A. suburb going about daily lives that are far removed from the average American’s.
Recently, Housewife Taylor hosted a birthday party, complete with standard SoCal budget of $65,000, professional caterer and performers, and floral arrangements. The birthday gal is her four-year-old daughter who is less-than-interested in what amounts to an upscale, adult dinner party (shocking, I know). Sadly, daughter leaves her “own” party and heads off with her nanny to swing….alone (cue crickets). Meanwhile, oblivious Taylor is off basking in the spotlight (posing for pictures, flaunting her red carpet-ready party frock, and sipping champagne), as her entourage heaps on praise about what a great mommy she is (“so hands-on!”).
Though not all of us can relate to throwing $65,000 parties at lavish rental locations for pre-schoolers, or to touting a closet full of 5-inch Louboutins, we can relate to the temptation of surrounding ourselves with friends and colleagues who tell us what we want to hear. You know them—they’re “yes men”.
These “yes men” (and women) are like one big boost to the ego. As with Taylor’s entourage, we can all find “yes men” to tell us what we want to hear. We’re great leaders. We’re loyal to our employers. We work soooo hard. We deserve a raise | promotion | perk | award. What we really need is to consistently seek relationships and circumstances that will allow us to glean honest feedback about our leadership style (communication, work ethic, professionalism, behavioral tendencies, how we’re perceived by others). Especially in the formative years of our career, but also as we advance into positions of heightened accountability and complexity. At each stage, the stakes are raised. More people depend on you, so it’s crucial to have a genuine self-awareness. Once we have this authentic understanding of ourselves and how we relate to others, then we can work on maximizing our strengths and managing our weaknesses.
I think writer and educator John Gardner said it best: “Pity the leaders caught between unloving critics and uncritical lovers.” We all need that individual(s) who walks the line—who cares about us enough to give us the feedback which is sometimes hard to digest but is always necessary to grow.
