We all want to be liked. It’s human nature. But what gets us liked in the long run sometimes involves making the unpopular decisions in the short term.

One of the things I have struggled with over the years is being liked vs. being respected. As a leader, there are many temptations to cave in to the pressures of “being a friend” or “keeping everyone happy”. To do this, we soften the edge of bad news, fail to clearly define performance expectations for our employees or teams, share information that is not intended for disclosure, or turn a blind eye to bad behavior or abuses of power or privilege by individuals – all in the name of attempting to gain the pleasure of others or simply, to be liked.

My high school science teacher, Ms. Skala, could have cared less about being liked. She most certainly didn’t have my adoration. I didn’t particularly care for physics or chemistry and I didn’t like her style of teaching. She demanded so much of us. We’ve all had those teachers, right? The ones who never let up, who refused let us slough off.

Sure, there were teachers that wanted to be liked by the kids… she was anti-that.

What I didn’t realize until many years later is Ms. Skala wasn’t tough on us because she was a mean-spirited person (well, at least I think I’ve convinced myself this is true : ). In fact, quite the opposite … she held us to a higher standard, knowing that was best for us. And even though I didn’t go into the hard sciences, I learned so much about discipline and structure from her – principles that make you successful no matter your line of work.

Like Ms. Skala, we as leaders need to hold all of our team members to a higher standard. Sometimes that means feeling like we’re in orbit, circling everyone else. By virtue of our positions as leaders, we have different demands placed on us than the “rest” of the team. And it’s tough to resist the impulse to fit in with the team, so it IS kind of like high school all over again! We may be tempted to make everyone happy and be everyone’s friend. I admit I’ve been guilty of it. But we can’t let our selfish desire to be liked drive our decisions.

It’s great if your decision is popular and it’s for the right reasons. But if your motivating force is just to “make nice” with your people – not to do what’s right for the organization — then you’re doing everyone a disservice. You’re obviously doing your career a disservice (after all, being friends with your subordinates is by no means synonymous with being a strong leader) but you’re also doing everyone in your organization a disservice. That’s because you don’t have their best interests at heart. Instead, you really have self-interests – to not rock the boat, to be included – at heart.

And even though you may, in the moment, share too much information (remember when I recently told you about using your discretion?) and endear someone to you, in the long run, by sharing that information, you are not looked upon as a leader. That individual who you think so cherishes your openness will probably look upon you in a different light. The respect you must have (and earn) as a leader vanishes.

Be like Ms. Skala. It will not be easy. But over time, the habits will become more firmly established, and so will your reputation as a well-respected individual and leader.